Happy Holidays
Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Happy New Year! All of these joyful proclamations are intended to spread cheer. What happens if you don't feel happy, merry or cheerful? The loss of a loved one, whether recently, or if it is feeling recent can take the happy out of the holiday season. It is difficult to feel thankful, when you feel like you've been robbed.
How are we supposed to carry on? How are we supposed to do all the things we used to do when that loss has created a huge void. How are we supposed to smile and be merry when all we want to do curl up with our misery and wait for this festive, happy time to pass?
It is extremely difficult to continue with traditions when the people who participated with us are no longer here. What is right? Doing it without them because we think they would have wanted us to, or not doing it because they aren't with us?
One of the most challenging things about grief and loss is that there isn't an "one size fits all" answer. There is no right way or wrong way to process things or proceed with life. What feels right one day, may not feel right the next. What works for one individual or family, may not work for another.
During the season of cheer and giving, it can feel so isolating and infuriating. People sometimes undergo the angriest and the loneliest emotions during this jolly time. It doesn't matter if it's been a day, a week, a month, a year, or multiple years. The holiday season brings out our grief. The sorrow can be as fresh and raw as it was day one. The parties, the shopping, the decorating, all a struggle we are forced to endure with a smile. People who have not experienced heartbreak such as this, may not understand why you're not "over it". They may think it should be easier because it was years ago. They may be sympathetic, not empathetic. All of this causing you to feel alone while in the company of others.
In this social media era, we see pictures of happy, smiling friends. Friends without a care, all of their loved ones near. The Christmas cards that arrive at your door, all reminders of what used to be. The Hallmark channel would have you believe that everyone will come together, sing carols and be home, safe and happy for Christmas. For those afflicted by loss, that will not be the case.
The hope for the sorrowful this holiday season is this:
May the love of your family, friends and community see you through.
May peace find it's way into your heart, for no one wants you to be blue.
May you be able to go on, while respecting your feelings, they are all true.
May you understand that emotions change, everyday is something new.
May the joy you see in others open a fissure in your grief, allowing light of a different hue.
May your memories bring you joy, for memories return your loved ones to you.